Shame is the Fear of Disconnection, apply to social media

In social media, travel by Michael Michelini2 Comments

Finally budgeting some time to watch this AWESOME TED video my friend Josh Whiting sent over to me – The power of vulnerability presentation by Brene Brown. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to read something than to watch something….I wrote down notes as I watched it – I do recommend you watching it as well, but here I kind of hit the big points that stuck in my mind.

What is courage? Courage got blended up with bravery, but Brene says the root meaning of courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart, not to be ashamed of who we are and being open.


Courage is to accept we are imperfect. To realize we are not perfect. To still live our lives.

Compassion to be kind to ourselves first, then to others

Connection – as the result of authenticity, let go of who they thought they should be, and be who they really are.

Vulnerability is beautiful, willingness to say i love you first, without guarantees, willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

So what makes you feel vulnerable……..she asked on facebook and twitter and got over 150 responses, such as

  • having to ask husband for help
  • being turned down
  • having to ask someone for something
  • laying people off

So, how do we deal? …..we numb vulnerability……..but you cannot selectively numb emotions. We can’t just have a beer and make the bad emotions go away. Take a pill, smoke a cigarette, eat some chocolate.

so when we numb those bad feelings – we also numb joy, we numb happiness and then we feel MISERABLE. We then drink another beer to try to feel better.

So why do we numb?

we make everything that is uncertain to certainty. I’m right, you’re wrong, shut up. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, then the viscous cycle repeats

Politics now has just become blame. People say blame is interpreted as a way to discharge pain and discomfort.

Then we pass this to our children. Since we, as adults grown up, are not perfect, but now know how to be perfect – our children —-> They will be perfect, they will represent everything we wished we achieved in our lifetime, will pass down to our seeds. But we have to let our children know they ARE NOT PERFECT. And the goal is not to be perfect, but to love YOUSELF for who you are, and love others for who they are.

Then she goes on to say that we pretend what we do ourselves does not affect other people. IT DOES. People and companies just need to be authentic and real! We all live in the same planet, and the actions by us as individuals and as companies affects everyone around us, every day. Words hurt!

JUST LET OURSELVES BE SEEN. Let people see who we are, love with our whole heart, without expecting people to love you back. I think, personally, by having this blog and letting my feelings out publicly, I feel more confident and more connected…it really has changed me as a person.

Be passionate. Be grateful. Realize feeling vulnerable is part of being a human being and that we need to accept who we are, and be kinder and gentler to ourselves and the people around us.

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  1. it is alright not to
    be perfect.
    be all you can be
    great writing

    1. Author

      yes….thanks dad……I think parents and children always have these indirect pressures from both sides….

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