Single Moms In The Philippines (There Is Hope)

In philippines business by Michael Michelini59 Comments

As I bounce around Philippines, Hong Kong, and China, I so constantly run into single Filipino mothers working to support their children and family. I think its the biggest problem in the Philippines, and its a deep rooted problem that I wonder if I am even qualified enough to blog about…I will try my best to explain my perspective.

During my last two weeks back, being a social guy, I strike up conversations all over the place….and many of them are single Filipino mothers. I am so curious how this happens, and I am getting more and more bold to ask questions of the story how it happened.

Some example stories…. I will leave out names.

  • She was under 18 (think 17), he was mid 20s, a filipino couple….she got pregnant, her father got so angry because she is so young, their families knew each other, so the girl’s father went to the boyfriend’s family to ask for (something?) and then got in a fight with the boyfriend at his home, punching out the boyfriends front tooth. In Philippines, girls under 18 are not allowed to date older men, and the boyfriend could have gotten in serious trouble from the police and government.
  • Bartender in Wan Chai I met, she is 22 years old, computer science degree in Manila, has a 2 year old son, father left after she got pregnant, she now works 6 days a week night shift in Hong Kong, with a 2 hour commute each way to her home. Sends money back to the Philippines regularly…very angry at her baby’s father who left.
  • Dancer in Angeles 22 years old with a 3 year old son, she was from the province (deep out in the islands far from city center) and she told me she thought she was in love…but after she got pregnant, here filipino boyfriend disappeared….

I can go on and on with stories, my friend MikeMo works at Western Union and the Philippines is one of the top countries to receive money from overseas workers…

There Is Hope for Single Mothers

This blog has helped connect many single moms in the Philippines to support network like the one below.

Ministry to help single mothers

Also in the airport yesterday, I met a European woman, Esther from Samaritana that supports Filipino single moms that become prostitutes to pay for their baby and their family. I was a couple hours early for my flight, and Esther and I went through some stories….her non-profit doesn’t do much internet marketing, she honestly said they don’t have the budget to scale too big and are focusing mostly on Quezon City area of Manila.

She also said facebook and website marketing wouldn’t be effective for her organization to find these victims, because most don’t have internet at all and sleep on garbage piles in back alleys. I still advised she make more internet awareness, guides, how to, and support networks….it inspires me to do something as well.

Lets analyze why this happens, try to break down points:

Books For Single Moms

One thing I have noticed over the years working with many single mothers in my company is – those who do not treat themselves like a victim will succeed. We have some books that may also help you out as well.

The Kickass Single Mom

The Single Mother’s Guide to Raising Remarkable Boys

Single Mothers are for Grown Men ONLY

Culture

The Philippines is primarily a Catholic state, forbidding abortion and after morning pills. I am not going to get into pro-life and pro-choice discussions, I am just going to inform you guys thats how it is. Also people are not educated on condoms…asking some people they do not know what it is. And those who know what condoms is, either think its illegal in the Philippines (which it is not) or are too embarrassed to purchase them. They are afraid to purchase them because the cashiers give them strange looks, like they are a whores. Its just a deep rooted cultural topic in Philippines. Last year I blogged cultural differences between the Philippines and China that is worth a read.

Family First

In Asian culture, there is no choice, you need to support kids, family, whereas in Western culture, its a bit more of a choice or financial condition circumstance. And it seems women are expected to be the ones to earn the money…which is so opposite from anywhere else I know. Maybe the men feel women can earn more money, have better education. But overall, in my opinion, Filipinos really take care of their kids and so many times the mother has to leave her children to her parents (child’s grandparents) while she leaves the country or the province to a city to earn money….however she is willing or able to.

Sometimes the women get jobs overseas, Hong Kong or Singapore being popular places. I learned the basic process and hopefully the mother gets a job in a respectable family household that respects her.

Abuse, Cannot Go To The Police

But many times, these single moms either willingly or entrapped, become prostitutes. Maybe they do it to earn more money than in a legitimate job, maybe they are not qualified to get a high enough paying job….or just have no idea how to get a job that can pay enough for their baby and their parents they are supporting. And prostitution is illegal in the Philippines, and Esther told me so many times boyfriends pimp out their girls, customers beat them and abuse them….and the mother cannot go to the police, as she is doing an illegal act of solicitation. And the overseas workers in Hong Kong or other places also may be subject to these conditions, also at a disadvantage being away from their home country and no one to turn to, no one to trust.

What About The Men?

This is a touchy one….but I have to say, in my experience in call centers and web work, Filipino women are more diligent and willing to work hard. I’m not sure where this happens in the upbringing or educational system in the Philippines, but the men mostly work general contractor construction jobs or manual labor. They do not seem to be as computer savvy or as strong in the English language. Then they seem to rely on the women to earn the money.

Resources For Single Moms

Over the years more and more resources have developed to support single mothers.

A ton of books on Amazon to check out for moms to grow and stay strong.

Keep us posted if you have ideas as well.


What Happens If I Get A Girl Pregnant In The Philippines?

This question has come up quite a bit from this blog post – what do you do if a girl you are dating gets pregnant?

Well, the culture in Philippines is very Christian – Catholic and don’t expect a Filipino women to be open to getting an abortion. People I know have had their Filipina girlfriend run away from them and have the kid on their own. The culture is very open to having the kid without the father, and you have the choice to owning up and supporting the kid, or , departing. Very much the situation in the Philippines.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Again, its another frustration in the Philippines that as Leon tells me, and I have to agree, has to be “bred” out over future generations…hopefully as the world is becoming more “flat” and information and opportunity are spread globally equally, all human beings will have a better chance at living the life they want.

On a closing note, in the 10 years since I have been working with the Philippines, Filipino women continue to support their children and work diligently in their jobs. Many in my company are some of the top performers in the work place.

I’m not sure of the statistics and the changes over the years, but the economy has improved and the awareness.

Dating Resources For Single Moms

Single moms, Filipino and all women alike, have needs to! Just because they have had a child doesn’t take them out of the dating scene. It is very common to date Filipino women that have children and here are some books that may be relevant.

Single Moms Dating – Romance: A realistic and healthy approach to help you understand how to prepare, what you can expect, and what you can do to make sure your dating life is a success.

The Successful Single Mom Finds Love (The Successful Single Mom Series)

Our Own Contribution To Single Moms in the Philippines

Over the years here at the blog have seen a lot of single mothers in Philippines struggle and have tried my best to foster their development working in various businesses we have operated (check our now page for latest projects). In the form of giving them time when they are delivering their child, to a shot at a scholarship fund, and overall trying to being understanding in our company culture.

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Kevin
Guest

True story.

Philippines is a country where extrem poverty is constantly “in touch” with extrem wealth.
And where extremely high potential people can drop down to basic stuff just because of a lack of money.

It’s kind of crazy having so many high graduated Moms (especially Moms, but true also for others) sacrificing their skills, future and opportunities to stick to something crual but safe: a little job in here or abroad (China, Singapour, Middle East…) to get enough money to raise their “fatherless” kids…

Good to read such a “true” article!

Montajaz
Guest

The article is very true but I know that we can use the technology to improve the status of our country… Starting from survielance against corruption in every brgys… I’ve my system proposal for the IT’s there who wants to help… 😀

Norn
Guest
Norn

Mike- thanks for shedding light on this subject. I agree with your assessment on why…Although I grew up in the states, my parents (both born in the Philippines) always stressed to my brother and I that “blood is thicker than water” and family always came first. It was like another commandment (see the catholic reference). I had never truly understood why people (men and women) would work hard in other countries just to send the majority of their money back to the motherland. Some living almost in poverty- saying that they must sacrifice for their families. My parents struggled while… Read more »

JIM
Guest
JIM

there is andy capp carton will send to you
women are the stronger they do everything world
wide 95 percent of world and have children
55 percent of college students women
all countries work in USA send money back to
poor countrys family

eve
Guest
eve

This may be brutal but Filipino men are mostly spoiled. I worked in several call centers women are mostly the top performers, nowadays when a straight Filipino guy dates a girl first thing he ask is she earning well, what’s her course, if she’s nursing jackpot! LOL Personally I find Filipino men lacking in ability, I find them weak, male chauvinist lot. Don’t worry I did not get pregnant like those women you wrote but I have many friends who are single mom’s but when she starts earning the father appear suddenly appear. I’m not saying all Filipino are lazy… Read more »

Martin
Guest
Martin

Hey Eve, where do you find these Filipino men?? Almost all the Filipino men I know are hard working professionals. Most of them don’t date Filipina women cos they’re boring, and lacking in social skills.

Jorge Saldaña
Guest
Jorge Saldaña

Now these Filipinas fall for foreign counterparts of slacker Filipino men. In America what a dumb Filipina thinks are good men are actually social outcasts and losers. They can’t get the best of their women there so they end up with Filipina rejects with excess baggage

MEXEROS X
Guest
MEXEROS X

Haha, shut up with your BS you (bleep) stupid retarded envious jealous virgin loser who cant afford trip to Philipines you retarded loser ahaha !!!

Serendipity
Guest
Serendipity

Absolutely. Besides, marry an American woman and you end up paying alimony and you don’t get to see your kids. Your life is over. Now that is true stupidity. Go to the Philippines. Enjoy yourself

William Luke Rice
Guest
William Luke Rice

Hahaha sometimes that’s true but those *losers* are living it good! I feel sorry for my fellow Americans who don’t have the balls to get in a plane.They either gay…No GF or stuck with a b—tchy white wife who’s taking them worse then a Filipina ever could!

Mitchell Milner
Guest
Mitchell Milner

Oh you mean after you gave him your virginity? That’s all he wanted anyway.

MEXEROS X
Guest
MEXEROS X

True, i am from germany and that same i can say about white european women, they are stupid spoiled b—-tches and that why i have beautiful Filipina wife 🙂

Monamie Beltran
Member

There is a bill right now very controversial – the RH (Reproductive Health) bill to give access & information to many Filipinos about contraceptives being highly scrutinized & overly debated. A famous tour guide Carlos Celdran who is very open supporting this, made him more famous that his Twitter account rose from 2,000+ followers now it’s already 88,000+. The Catholic Church is strrrroooongly opposing this citing abstinence over sex education. Our president is very open that he is pro. International organizations are sending their representatives to help the bill to pass. I even met one from UN, he said his… Read more »

gwen
Guest
gwen

Help im depressed about my situation im 25 yrs old from Philippines a 6months pregnant no work, no money, sometimes not eating properly cause of no budget for the food, living with my siblings. My ex ignoring my situation even though i begging him to help or support us..He’s working in US as radiology technician.. What can i do guys,im worried about our situation?

Jonnathan
Guest
Jonnathan

WTF!… u dragged yourself into the mess.. Just pay for it. You are so irresponsible without knowing how Ur future going to be you just became pregnant, I really pity the young kid who is going to suffer because of your childish act.

Michael Michelini
Guest

Jonnathan – not sure where you come from in the world. but sadly culture, lack of education, and “escape” where the girl currently is in life – this is their hope, they knight in shining armor….. also abortion is illegal in philippines, and condoms are made fun of…

Matin
Guest
Matin

Don’t be judgmental, we all make mistakes. It’s both the father and mother’s fault and both should raise the child. Why should the mother be stuck with the child without support from the father, either physically or financially?

fark
Guest
fark

you put the “mental” in judgemental

Martin
Guest
Martin

If you’re ex has a good job and sounds like he does, you can hire an attorney here and your ex will have to pay for your legal fees since you’re not working. Or you can have a friend or relative start the proceedings here for you. I know this cos my friend was in this situation and had to pay child support for his son in the Philippines.

Lia
Guest
Lia

US is very strict when it comes to family laws. He should pay for child support.

Sylvia
Guest
Sylvia

so so true! children are raised differently here in the Philippines. at a young age, girls are required to do the household chores while boys can play all day. so what can we expect from that kind upbringing? it would be as what summarized above. sad but true.

martin
Guest
martin

I grew up in the Philippines but my brothers and sisters never had to do any type of chore. We had a full time cook, 2 full time maids and a driver that did all the work/chores. We just concentrated on school. I guess it all depends where you are in the sosioeconomic level.

Paul Dunn
Guest
Paul Dunn

Hi Martin; Yes that has a lot to do with how the Filipino men behave. BUT when it comes to commitment and sex they are mostly the same. No responsibility, don’t want to contribute money to the Female partner, disappear as soon as the girl is pregnant> Filipinos are easily offended, High Pride whether what you say is correct or not. The law for libel allows charges even if the information is correct (Go figure that one). I never employed males in the Philippines. Females were much more responsible and reliable: More dedicated, less corrupt and deceptive. On the side… Read more »

maxen57
Guest
maxen57

I’m a single mother myself whom my ex left alone because he told me he wasn’t ready to be a father. I was afraid at first but i chose my baby over his decision for me to get rid of it. It’s not easy raising a son alone mainly because I’m unemployed, and I’m unemployed because nobody else would take care of my son. There are no babysitters and nannies cost money that I don’t have. We live in my parents house. I try making money from internet programs but my child is in kindergarten and what I make is… Read more »

Jonnathan Simpson
Guest
Jonnathan Simpson

Yeah Illegal kid born out of mother’s lust

Mitchell Milner
Guest
Mitchell Milner

Or stupidity.

Investor
Guest
Investor

OK, maxen57 but why did u have sex unless being sure that ur lover will not just misuse u and he is the one whom u would like to live with forever ? Didn’t u know that u can get pregnant??? 🙁

Anj
Guest
Anj

True indeed. I’m a single mom too. I go to school full time, I have a full time and a part time job at night while taking care of my 3-month old daughter. It is not easy but I feel that its all worth it everytime I see my daughter.

American Tourist
Guest
American Tourist

Now that this post is 5 years old I’d really like to hear from you about how life is going. Your daughter is the same age as mine. I’ve been noticing the single mother problem in the Philippines and am looking for ways to help single mothers

Anj
Guest
Anj

Hi! It’s Monday morning here and I just saw this comment notification while checking on my daily emails. Life is going GREAT! I was able to finish college but haven’t took the board exam yet. I work as a freelancer and been able to slowly recover financially. I am also currently working on a project to help single mothers having a fair wage to support their kids 🙂

You are amazing helping single mothers!

Michael Michelini
Guest

keep us posted on this project – I can help support as well.

Mayur
Guest
Mayur

It’s really surprising for me that you could raise a daughter at a school age,by having a part time job,hats off to you…!!!

Eketh Magno
Guest

i am a single parent who in need of financial support, my husband died 12 years ago we had 3kids since then my brother help me but he also have his own family, this school year my eldest will be in college, the 2nd one is 4th year highschool ang my daugther is gade 6…so pls help me thank you

Jorge Saldaña
Guest
Jorge Saldaña

Lol ill help you

Wolfgang
Guest
Wolfgang

Stupid scammers and beggars!

Chuck Hurst
Guest
Chuck Hurst

I can help. As long as you give me the pussy and ass at least 4 times a week, I’m down.

Aaron Gladstone
Guest
Aaron Gladstone

Although she is unwise for posting here for this kind of help you are disgusting to make this kind of offer to her. You are all that is wrong with the world to have such an attitude.

Donnie Davis
Guest
Donnie Davis

One day yes one day your Almighty foundation will fall down around your stupid ass, then maybe we get to see you begging on the street, and People making comments like your stupid ass dose ,will be there to give you the same type of encouragement.

nbv
Guest
nbv

so did you bang her

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

I am not from philippines, am an asian guy and have chat on social sites with many philippino (pinoy) girls, among the girls i have chat, 98% are single mother and looking for foreign boy friends or husbands so that they can live better life in future. and for this they can do any thing. I felt really pity on them. Philippines government must do some thing about it otherwise it would be very serious on future.

feeling hurt
Guest
feeling hurt

My husband had an affair with a filipino girl and got her pregnant. We had been married for 20 years and have 3 lovely children but he broke my heart and trust. I am trying to deal with the hurt and pain that he had caused. Presently he is still keeping in touch with the mother of his child. He is constantly in contact with them and giving her money for child support. He even refers to her as his wife and she calls him her husband even though he swears to me that they were never married. I still… Read more »

Anj
Guest
Anj

So sorry to hear that 🙁
Stay strong!

Investor
Guest
Investor

I know a story when a Philippine Muslim soldier lied a Christian virgin about love forever and marriage, made her 2 kids, but later family disclosed that he had more such “wives” and 6 kids in different cities where army sent him. I don;t understand how Ph girls can be so naive and believe such persons to chose them as bf… 🙁

brendankiwi
Guest
brendankiwi

I think its western values interfering with a family culture– they are innudated with false western images on internet and TV. and now the huge abortion/contraceptive industry from agents of america family planning. The pill means a man can have sex for free– no responsibilities- it all falls to the woman

Mitchell Milner
Guest
Mitchell Milner

I think that’s called “feminism,” and womens right to “choose” what to do with her own body.

Mitchell Milner
Guest
Mitchell Milner

I have begun asking this question as well, and have come to blame the Filipino men. The age of consent is ridiculously young for Filipinos (12), so they find the prettiest ones and bang them right away. When she winds up pregnant, they abandon responsibility and leave some foreigner to pick up where he left off. They can’t be sued for child support and have no money even if they did. By the time these women are of marriagable age for foreigners (18), they have already had a broken heart from their first “true love.” If Filipina women want to… Read more »

Jay Franco
Guest
Jay Franco

Good topic. And I can contribute tons on this subject. U can call me a specialist in this particular topic. But without going through the details, I can only tell you the root cause and society will take the own course whatever direction this country want to move – Cause 1 ) In Filipino society single moms are accepted normally which is not the case throughout Asia – from economically advanced countries like Japan, Korea, to the poor countries like India, Thailand – it is a shame to be a mother before marriage. That is not the case in the… Read more »

Jay Franco
Guest
Jay Franco

This is a serious topic and shamefully i have noticed some people are posting loose comments. Please don’t do so. Try to comprehend the enormous problem this country is facing – its far reaching repercussions and please add your comments in a constructive way.

Paul Dunn
Guest
Paul Dunn

Jay Franco: Constructive advice is to look at what is reality and then correct problems. Filipina women are far more abused by Filipino men than foreigners. If you are Filipino you know that.
Filipino males treat the Filipino women as a commodity and not for long term.
If a Filipina gets older the male looks for the younger one.

Strangewalk
Guest
Strangewalk

The problem is complex and multi-faceted but one factor is that Filipinas are very emotional and sensitive, and so are easily swept off their feet by the macho Filipino lover-boys who measure their manhood by number of conquests. Also, the Philippine’s entertainment media conveys sexual imagery and messaging maybe more than anywhere else, and it has spawned a deeply sensual cultural consciousness.

Wolfgang
Guest
Wolfgang

“In Philippines, girls under 18 are not allowed to date older men, and the
boyfriend could have gotten in serious trouble from the police and
government. ”

You you RETARDED???

You can date at ANY age. And can have sex at 12! Not that the police or government ever care. Many whores are only 6 years old or younger…

Have you ever BEEN to the Philippines??? LOLOLOLO!!!!

Wolfgang
Guest
Wolfgang

“Filipinos really take care of their kids”???

Have you seen how dirty the kids are? How rotted their teeth is?

How they whore them out on the streets?

You are crazy man!

Chuck Hurst
Guest
Chuck Hurst

Mothers, you d-heads only go there to f Filipino women. Don’t lie.

MEXEROS X
Guest
MEXEROS X

Shut up you stupid envious jealous loser who will never afford trip to Philipines so that why you telling these stupid bullshits ahaha.

Jean Marc
Guest
Jean Marc

“because most don’t have internet at all and sleep on garbage piles in back alleys.” REALLY???? MOST??? These types of westerners that over dramatize the situation and then don’t want to give evidence of these outrageous claims that they proffer to make a living off of third world people are more exploitative than sex tourists …

Irita Avila
Guest
Irita Avila

I agree with most of the points. As a Catholic, conservative country, birth control is not encouraged and not that accessible. There is also the stigma about contraception and abortion (which is quite ironic because they kill people when they’re all grown up, anyway – drug war, extra judicial killings). You can’t really force people not to have sex before marriage – society is heterogenous and so even if you are a high and holy Catholic (or any other religion), you can’t just expect all other people to live the way like you do. In the Philippines, young people gets… Read more »